Thursday, August 30, 2007
Early Morning Thoughts
When I don't go to bed late then I can wake up early. This morning I woke up at 6 a.m. because my roommate's alarm went off, but she didn't stay here last night so I had to go turn it off for her. I'm not bothered. Being awake before everyone else, when the world is still quiet is very nice.
I've been thinking a lot about Erdem... pretty much every day since we broke up. I've gotten lots of break up advice--everyone has an opinion! So many people tell me to forget about him, then so many people tell me to just be patient and wait for him to come back, and one friend (just 1!) says that I should find some excuse to talk to him and try to fix things myself. Ironically, that one friend is sorta my psychic.
Yeah, I have a psychic. I gave her Erdem's picture and she went and meditated on him. She noticed he has a liver problem, and it's probably true. He doesn't look healthy, anyway. I had one question for her: Did he love me? I asked, "Did he?" rather than "Does he?" because it's more important to me to know that what we HAD was as real for him as it was for me. IF there is still something there, and IF we are supposed to be together, then I believe somehow we will find each other again.
I think for the first few weeks (my psychic friend says exactly 21 days) we will both think of each other and want to get back together, but I say it's still not necessarily sensible to do so. The answer to my Did he love me? question, by the way, was, "Yes, yes, yes, and he still loves you." It felt good to hear that--yeah, I was beaming, but I have to think seriously about this...
This is what I say: Lonliness doesn't solve our prolems, we just forget about them temporarily. Things go back to normal, and the same problems resurface, right? Twenty-one days is nearing and it's true, I'm starting to think less about the prospect of us getting back together. It's just a coping method for the hard times in the beginning.
I want to be able to move on.
Yesterday a student told me that a her friend, who came as a prospective student the day before and had received information from me, was flirting with me. (I sorta knew it already, but it's good to have confirmation from someone unbiased!) He's a musicial minister at a Brazilian church and has already studied at Berkeley College of Music. Handsome, mature (I thik he's 32) and everyone agreed he was so sweet and sincere. I thought, "If I could choose to spend 20 minutes in a room with him or Erdem, who would I choose?" Finally, I think I would choose the other guy!!!
I have to say it: being alone with Erdem would be great. I'd love to talk about everything face to face in a private place---then hug and hold and kiss him, but then what? Where does it get me? I'm afraid that's not really moving me forward. They are just steps back into an old relationship that wasn't working. I'd rather move forward and meet someone new and interesting. Someone with unknown potential!!
Ah... time's healing power!
I've been thinking a lot about Erdem... pretty much every day since we broke up. I've gotten lots of break up advice--everyone has an opinion! So many people tell me to forget about him, then so many people tell me to just be patient and wait for him to come back, and one friend (just 1!) says that I should find some excuse to talk to him and try to fix things myself. Ironically, that one friend is sorta my psychic.
Yeah, I have a psychic. I gave her Erdem's picture and she went and meditated on him. She noticed he has a liver problem, and it's probably true. He doesn't look healthy, anyway. I had one question for her: Did he love me? I asked, "Did he?" rather than "Does he?" because it's more important to me to know that what we HAD was as real for him as it was for me. IF there is still something there, and IF we are supposed to be together, then I believe somehow we will find each other again.
I think for the first few weeks (my psychic friend says exactly 21 days) we will both think of each other and want to get back together, but I say it's still not necessarily sensible to do so. The answer to my Did he love me? question, by the way, was, "Yes, yes, yes, and he still loves you." It felt good to hear that--yeah, I was beaming, but I have to think seriously about this...
This is what I say: Lonliness doesn't solve our prolems, we just forget about them temporarily. Things go back to normal, and the same problems resurface, right? Twenty-one days is nearing and it's true, I'm starting to think less about the prospect of us getting back together. It's just a coping method for the hard times in the beginning.
I want to be able to move on.
Yesterday a student told me that a her friend, who came as a prospective student the day before and had received information from me, was flirting with me. (I sorta knew it already, but it's good to have confirmation from someone unbiased!) He's a musicial minister at a Brazilian church and has already studied at Berkeley College of Music. Handsome, mature (I thik he's 32) and everyone agreed he was so sweet and sincere. I thought, "If I could choose to spend 20 minutes in a room with him or Erdem, who would I choose?" Finally, I think I would choose the other guy!!!
I have to say it: being alone with Erdem would be great. I'd love to talk about everything face to face in a private place---then hug and hold and kiss him, but then what? Where does it get me? I'm afraid that's not really moving me forward. They are just steps back into an old relationship that wasn't working. I'd rather move forward and meet someone new and interesting. Someone with unknown potential!!
Ah... time's healing power!
