Dartboard

(Wedding Ring)
music by Navy and Ivory
translation by Yuki and me

やくそくします　きみをのこして　ぼくはしねません。
約束します　君を残して　僕は死ねません。
I promise that I won’t die and leave you all alone.
どうしてだるう？あふれてくるなみだをとめられない
どうしてだるう？あふれてくる涙を止められない
I wonder why? These tears don’t stop.
『おとこのくせに』なんでいいつもは　からかう　きみもきょうは
『男のくせに』なんでいいつもは　からかう　君も今日は
You tease me because I’m always crying, but today you are too.
いっしょにないて　どうじにわらって　そしてまたなきだして
一緒に泣いて　同時に笑って　そしてまた泣き出して
Together, we are crying and laughing and crying all at the same time.
うれしなみだで　はれたまぶたで　ちかった“えいえん”
うれし涙で　はれた瞼で　誓った“永遠“
Happy tears and puffy eyes for our eternal vow.


ねむりさそう　ようきの　はるには　きみのまくらに
眠り誘う　陽気の春には　君の枕に
I will be your pillow when you feel sleepy in the spring.
こがすような　ひざしの　なつには　きみのひがさになるよ
焦がすような　日差しの夏には　君の日傘になるよ
I will be your parasol when you feel hot in the summer.


きみとあうまでのぼくは　やせけないくらい　ちさく
君と逢うまでの僕は　（　　）けないくらい（　）さく
Before I met you I didn’t have confidence.
じぶんのことさえ　ほこれないような　よわいおとこでした
自分の事さえ　誇れないような　弱い男でした
I wasn’t proud of myself, but was a weak man.
それがきみといたことで　きみがあいしてくれたことで
それが君といた事で　君が愛してくれた事で
But now, because you gave me your love,
“しあわせのいみ”をしりました
“幸せの意味”を知りました
I came to know the meaning of happiness.


しろいドレスも　きれなメイクも　きょうかぎりだけれど
白いドレスも　奇麗なメイクも　今日限りだけれど
The white dress and beautiful make-up is only possible on this day
ひだりてにひかる　ぎんのゆびわは　ずっときみだけのもの
左手に光る　銀の指輪は　ずっと君だけのもの
But the silver ring on your left hand is yours forever.
あしたからは　またアパートで“いつものまいにち”です
明日からは　またアパートで“いつもの毎日”です
After tonight we’ll live modestly again in our small apartment.
だけどそこには　リニューアルした“あい”があるのです
だけどそこには　リニューアルした“愛”があるのです
But we have renewed our love.


どこかももさみしい　あきには　きみのピエロに
どこか物淋しい　秋には　君のピエロに
I will be a clown to make you feel less lonely in the fall.
きたかぜふきあれる　ふゆには　だんろになるよ
北風吹き荒れる　冬には　君の暖炉になるよ
I will be a heater for you when the north wind blows this winter.


これからさきなんじゅうねん　ふたりで　くらしてゆけば
これから生何十年　二人で　暮らして行けば
For the next 10 years and more the two of us will share our lives.
そりゃけんかもすりゃ、 きみをなかせてしまうことだってある
そりゃ喧嘩もすりゃ、君を泣かせてしまうことだってある
And we will definitely argue. I might even make you cry, but please stay with me.
それでもとうかそばにいとしききみよぼくのをばに
それでもとうかそばに愛しき君よ僕のをばに
Even through hard times, my beloved one, please stay near me.
“しあわせのばしょ”は　きみだから　きみだから
“幸せの場所”は君だから　君だから
Because you are my happy place.　Because you…


これからさきなんじゅうねん　もしぼくがさきにいっても
これから生何十年　もし僕が先に逝っても
In the future if I die before you,
おねがいです、どうかかなしいまないでわらっててください
お願いです、どうか悲しいまないで笑ってて下さい
Please don’t become sad. Please smile for me.
『あなたとであえてわたし、しあわせでした』とおもわれるように
『あなたと出逢えて私、幸せでした』と思われるように
I want you to be happy that you met me.
おしみなく　あいをそそぐから
惜しみなく　愛を注ぐから
Because I’m going to give all my love to you without any hesitation.


ごめんなさい　こんなせきで　しんみりさせちゃったね
ごめんなさい　こんな席で　しんみりさせちゃったね
I’m sorry to be this serious on this day.
だいじょうびです、そんなかんたんに　ぼくはしにません
大丈夫です、そんな簡単に　僕は死にません
It’s okay. I won’t give up easily.
やくそくします　きみをのこして　ぼくはしにません
約束します　君を残して　　僕は死にません
I promise I won’t die and leave you all alone.


(This is the song Yuki and his brother sang for his mother and father on TV a couple weeks ago. His father listened to it secretly in the hospital before he passed away. Some of the kanji or hiragana may be wrong and the parenthesis are where I couldn't understand the Japanese, but if you know it or have a suggestion for the translation please let me know so I can make it complete. Thanks.)

It's impossible to really choose just one thing that I miss most about my Yukinator but right now I miss when we're driving down the street and he sees an old man or woman with a walker or cane, someone really bent over and moving slowly and he points at them and yells, 'GANGSTER!!!" Then we burst out laughing together and I am so happy that I could meet someone who makes me laugh from the bottom of my belly.

After giving my eikaiwa students a sample poem, I asked them to write their own. Pretty successful, I think!!


What are Heavy?
by Mrs. Hirano

What are heavy?
Expectations and my weight.
What are brief?
Happy days and my life.
What are frail?
Dreams and my heart.
What are deep?
A mother’s love and prayers.


What are beautiful?
by Mrs. Uchiyama

What are beautiful?
Love and grandchildren.
What are warm?
Spring sunshine and hearts.
What are valuable?
Diamonds and art.
What are fast?
Aircraft and prosperous years.

The other day was really spooky. The weather was great early in the morning, but around 9 a.m. I heard thunder. I was in the main office and I ask, “Did anyone hear that thunder?” Everyone looks as me like I’m crazy and says, “No, no! It’s a fine day!” About thirty minutes later there is a huge crack of thunder and the sky opens up to pour rain. It’s like a tropical rainstorm and it just started above our heads. The sky completely darkens. I look up to say, “ほらほら!” (“Look! I told you so!”) when I realize that I’m in a different room and there’s no one who heard me ask about the thunder before. Coming from someone with astoundingly bad hearing, it’s unfortunate when you can’t gloat about hearing something first.

The weather was labile all day. Either it was pouring down or completely dry. I had to go to the bank and post office and apartment and it seemed like whenever I was outside it was raining hard and when I got inside it stopped. I distinctly remember being at the post office and wanting to use some new Japanese, “雨はごろごろふっているね?” (It’s raining cats and dogs.) when I look out the window and it’s not raining at all. Hmm…

This isn't even disturbing yet, but wait! When I was up north I went swimming and on my way karate I’m driving up a hill, about to enter a tunnel when a huge rat-like animals starts scurrying across my path. Because of the light of the tunnel and the upward direction of my headlights on the crest of the hill I can’t get a good look at this strange animal. It’s running right then left, right then left—obviously can’t make it’s decision which way is safer, but eventually chooses the path right in front of my tires! I tense up and prepare for the little bump, but it never comes! I must have just barely missed it!

Then when I’m at karate practice I’m in a really weird mood. It’s been a long time since I practiced, but my head is usually clear. My body feels like it’s dragging, but to be expected when you haven’t practiced in a long time. I’m concentrating really hard on my kata when there is a HUGE crack of thunder, the lights flicker out for a second and everyone freezes! The lightening actually hit my building! I try to explain/ask and my teacher just tells me, “No, we’re safe inside buildings or cars!” and I realize I’ve been misunderstood. I try and say, “Did the lightening hit this building?” but he just thinks I’m worried about my safety. Even if it didn’t hit our building, it’s the closest I’ve ever been to lightening! The lights in the gym flickered out and my heart is beating so fast!!

Oh no! There's more weirdness!! I’ve never seen one those rat-like animals I almost hit before, but when I’m driving home I see TWO MORE!! One of them runs across my path again and I can get a better look at it, but I still can’t identify it. Less than a minute later I see one dead in the middle of the other lane. I actually turned around to stop and look, but it’s so torn up I can’t tell what it is. It’s like gopher, but WHY would I see three of them in one day?!? Was it the weather that brought them out?

Anyway, I was happy to get home and go to bed. I had enough Friday, the 13th events for any random Tuesday!

I’ve been anxiously awaiting the new parking lot assignments at my apartment complex and to my great surprise and delight I have a prime spot in front of my building!! I assumed since I was the youngest teacher with the least seniority (again) this year I would get the weed-covered gravelly area between the sewer tank and hot water pump (again). It’s not really even a parking space, so much as it’s a narrow slice of land just barely big enough for a small car.

But oh no!! Someone was looking out for me today ‘cause for the next four months I’ll be sliding right up to the front building and breaking my hot buns right next to the stairwell AND mailboxes!

Yee haw!!

There were good things about Korea, but it's a place I don’t have the desire to go back to. Some Korean people were nice, but most of them were rude, pushy and/or dirty. The problem mostly was all the fighting and arguing I saw. It was disturbing. My first fight was before I even got through immigration. An immigration desk closed, causing two lines to merge into one and three Korean men got so angry that they yelled and argued with the officers until they finally gave up and let them through to the front of the line. It was shocking because Japanese people were never do that and it's pretty rare in America to see such outward disrespect for officials, but that was only the introduction of many more fights to come.

I saw more fights in Korea than I have in my whole life. Mostly fights were among homeless men, but not always--businessmen fought too! One guy in particular, he must have been drunk or high, was punched and kicked by another man for about 30 minutes. Blows coming every 1-2 minutes and he never defended himself. I was waiting for a train at the station when I saw this. It was the middle of the day, in front of the major train station and no one stopped to help--even when guys dressed in army uniforms walked by--they didn't look twice. The victim was so out of it that he didn't even put up his hands to defend himself. It was disgusting. One time in particular he fell backwards and landed hard on the ground, his head hitting the concrete.

After that, in my mind, I kept seeing his head hit the ground and hearing the cracking sound over and over again. It really made me nauseous, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. I hate real fighting. Fighting in movies or WWF is one thing. And that’s why I hate boxing—it’s real! This was serious and definitely not play-fighting. That fall was the one time the guy ever expressed any pain--he put his hands to the back of his head and held it for a while, but then he got up for more. It was like he had agreed to be someone’s punching bag.

This was right in front of Seoul station, with all types of people walking by. Being a woman and speaking absolutely no Korean I couldn't help, but I was amazed that no one called the police or interfered at all. Koreans walked by--10 feet away--and just ignored them all. It was awful. Other fights were usually at night, when alcohol was probably involved. Pushing and yelling in the street that was just among a few people, but it made me feel really unsafe to be in the streets.

Taking a picture in front of Pusan station before the fighting begins! (We actually only saw one at each Pusan and Seoul stations, the others were outside restaurants or down small streets.)

I was also shocked by how much people pushed me. Sometimes just pushing to get by me, sometimes pushing to get in front of me. We were standing at the subway ticket machine, had already chosen our destination and were hesitating to put in the money (because I wasn't sure if it was the right amount) when someone came up--CANCELED our order and got his own ticket. And then TWO more people did the same thing. We hadn't even moved away--we were standing directly in front of the machine and they just pushed their way in front. I just stood there with my mouth open.

Women would cut in line in the bathroom without apologies. I was obviously waiting and they would go ahead. Children waiting for my bathroom stall would actually enter the stall BEFORE I left it!!! A normal-sized, narrow bathroom stall and there were two of us in it! It sounds like I’m exaggerating, but I swear I’m not! At vending machines and restaurant lines, subways doors--I was pushed, pushed, and pushed. Men, women and children all fought their way in front of me. I was stunned by the pushing. I either had to wait for them to finish or be aggressive back if I ever wanted my turn. –No wonder people fight so much—if I lived here I'd be angry, too!!!!

Some people, like the tourist information desks or hotel owners were very nice and helpful. And they spoke great English. I don’t want to make it sound like everyone was this way!

I saw two children who walked by me while I was sitting near a temple and they giggled to each other when they noticed me. They turned around and ran back to me—peering into my eyes and saying something to each other. Then they asked me, "Where are you going?" I was flabbergasted! Japanese kids can say "Herro" and sometimes if we're lucky we'll get a "How are you?" but "Where are you going?" My Japanese high school students can't say that! Three more girls walking by, stopped and gave me some candy without saying anything. They were just being sweet and I really appreciated it. But both those incidents happened when I was without Yuki.

Junichi Koizumi stood here for a picture at the APEC conference last year.

George Bush posed with other nation’s leaders in this exact location.

I think when Yuki and I were together, people assumed he was Korean or were more intimidated to approach me. Had I been with other foreign-looking travelers they may have treated us a little differently. We would have been more "helpless," but they all assumed Yuki spoke and read Korean and therefore weren't patient with us when we fumbled with buying subway tickets or ordering on a menu. Until, of course, he opened his mouth and then people realized we were travelers. Maybe they were a bit nicer then.

And there were many good things, too.

I loved the outdoor spirit and informality of the Koreans. So many people dressed up in their hiking boots over knee-high woolen socks, enormous sun-visors and packing retractable walking sticks. They wore bright colors, too. It was fun to see young men and women wearing jeans and tennis shoes and laughing and having a good time with each other. Sometimes the "perfection" of Japanese people—women have their hair and make-up done perfectly, high heels matching every outfit, and flashing expensive name brand bags, men’s business wear is consistently black suits and a formal tie, their behavior is polite and serious most of the time, voices never raising too loud—well, all of that makes me feel so casual or insecure in Japanese cities. If I'm wearing jeans or flats I’m seriously underdressed. If my friends and I are talking or giggling, we’re almost always the loudest people in the area.

I enjoyed watching Korean friends on the trains as they touched and fiddled with their clothes and fixed each other’s hair. They laughed out loud and looked like good friends. It made me want to join in their conversations and actually, made me feel really lonely in Japan. Japanese people are kind, but as a whole I wouldn't call them "friendly," as in they don’t want to become your true friend. At moments like those, I thought, “I went to the wrong country!” I really would like to have deep relationships with the people of this country, but I’ve only had a handful get past acquaintance. I feel like in Korea I could become closer friends with more people in a shorter amount of time. Of course, that’s just speculation, but that was my first reaction.

(Which is what all of this is! My first impression of any place or person can be very erroneous, but I have one nonetheless. I’m sure if I spent more time in Korea I would discover many more complicated layers of Korean society. From just one week in the country, this is all very superficial!)

My next post will include less talk and more pictures!