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I am positively glowing.

I’m sitting on my futon on the floor in the dark with an open window in front of me. I feel a warm evening wind blowing on my sunburned face. I can smell the “cut-grass” scent of new tatami below me. I hear the sounds of neighbors chatting casually on the eve of a national holiday while frogs and crickets ribbet and buzz. It’s already dark out, so all I can see are the white curtains in the window blowing lazily in the wind.

I feel like a child who is finally succumbing to slumber after a long day in the sun, but not wanting the day to end continues to listen to her parents and the other adults socializing outside by the pool. These childhood memories have such soft edges. It’s as close as I ever come to living in the moment. My eyelids droop and I day dream about the calm atmosphere outside. A crackling fire in the barbeque pit and the smooth surface of the water in the pool.

What a beautiful day.

I didn’t have a barbeque by a pool with my parents today obviously, but the sunburn certainly reminds me of those days in California. Instead I went on a hike with my students. We walked to a park in Wakamatsu—about 2.5 hours along the highway and played dodgeball and ate lunch under the glorious sun. It was such a fun day, and I’ve had the best interactions with students. The best conversations. They weren’t just good, or near to the top. They were THE BEST interactions I’ve had with any students in my 8 months here.

Absolutely subarashii.

During the walk I talked to the first year students. They are so outgoing, open and honest. I feel like I’m getting to see them in their last few weeks before the reality of high school life hits them and they become shy little clams refusing to try anything where they could make a mistake. They are wonderful. Both the boys and girls. The girls are so sweet! They jump and scream “Hello Shiera!!” when I walk by. Then they don’t let me JUST walk by, they want to hold my hand, sing me songs, take pictures with me, and SPEAK IN ENGLISH!!! They tell me about their boyfriends and crushes, who the popular boys are this year, and who’s atami ga ii (smart, lit. “head is good”).

The boys, besides trying to convince me that “No! [pointing finger] HE loves you more!”, also ACTUALLY SPEAK ENGLISH! I ask them easy questions like “How tall are you? What junior high school did you go to? What time did you go to bed last night?” etc, but they actually try to listen and together, as a team, work out what I’m saying and respond. It’s not even class and they want to participate, to get to know me better.

I can’t believe my luck.
My kids are the best.

I was asked to play dodgeball during the championship game. I wasn’t just asked, the first years pulled me into the game and told me to play. I wasn’t even participating (you know how guys tend to dominate this sport) and when they noticed they said, “Eehhh! Shiera throw the ball!” and everyone stopped while I threw the ball. Even the “rowdy punks” think I’m cool. This class is doing wonders for my self-esteem.

My kyoto-sensei giving the students some kind of “pep talk” before the ensoku begins.

Here is the trail of students leaving the school in the morning.

I didn’t really realize this, but the purpose of the hiking day was to welcome the freshman to the school. So, here the freshman get their special entrance with applause and music.

Lunch was even better. I wasn’t sure where to sit or who to sit with, so I wandered around aimlessly for a while. Finally I sat down right next to three third year (seniors) boys: Junya, Kazuya and Eiji. For 2.5 hours we ate lunch next to the ocean and I had the most heart-to-heart conversation I’ve had with any Japanese student. I appreciated their honesty, their bravery and their maturity. What great kids.

Apparently until today, my martial status was in question. I can’t believe they all thought I was married! To whom, I’m not sure, but I assume Daniel. It came out when I asked if they had girlfriends and they all said no. They said, “We want girlfriends though,” and I said, “Me too.”

“Eehh? Shiera’s marriage, desho?”

“No, I’m not married! Why do you think I’m married?”

My rings. Who cares what finger they’re on… Rings in Japan mean marriage. My diamonds, which aren’t even big, are bigger than anyone’s wedding ring. Most women just wear a band to signify marriage—that is, if they wear anything at all.

Then Kazuya proposed. My first proposal in Japan. I said, “Okay,” and he was so excited he asked when we could do it. I think that’s when they really opened up to me. When they realized I can joke around too, that I’m not much older than they are, and… I’m not taken!!

We talked about the guys in school that like me and which guys I like. Kazuya was really pushing the marriage thing. He said he wants an international marriage and to live in Spain because he loves soccer. I taught them how to say “I love you” in Spanish. Kazuya has always really impressed me. He wrote in our class notebook to me, when I asked him about his future, “I want to be a fireman, marry a pretty girl and be happy.” Perhaps it’s the crudeness of the language, but his simplicity in stating those three things just really made an impression on me.

Could I have said that so simply at seventeen?

I told Kazuya to wait until graduation next April, then he could call me. He agreed. So I told him he also had to speak English with me, if we were ever going to have a marriage that worked. He agreed to study very hard. In a last attempt to defer him I said, “But I don’t think I would ever marry a Japanese.” What?!? They were shocked. I explained how Japanese men are so focused on their jobs and family always comes second. I couldn’t have a husband who thought of me and his children as second to anything. I made this motion with my hands like I had blinders on and said, “Shigoto, shigoto, shigoto” (Work, work, work.) Then all three boys put blinders on their heads and said, “Sierra, Sierra, Sierra.” It was absolutely adorable.

We continued talking about all kinds of things. I asked them why they were so shy in my classes. Eiji and Kazuya are very smart kids, but as my mom can attest, even in a class of just five students, they can’t bear to answer a question for fear of getting it wrong. Eiji said even if his peers don’t laugh on the outside, their hearts are laughing at your mistake, so he has to wear a mask in school. I argued that you have to make mistakes to learn. If I didn’t ever speak Japanese for fear of making a mistake I would not have made nearly as much progress as I have.

They didn’t understand immediately so I repeated each sentence slowly and they worked together to translate what I was saying. So much effort just to understand me—I’m sure they would have preferred to be shooting the breeze in Japanese, but they stuck with me. This was the best “class” I’ve taught yet and I was amazed at these boys attention span—focusing on my every word. Eiji even pulled out paper and scribbled new vocabulary words down as I talked. I was very impressed with their diligence and sincerity. Junya has always been great in class.

I noticed Kazuya was being quiet so I asked what was up. He said he was still shocked. I asked why. “Sierra’s not married.”

Next April if I have an 18 year-old Japanese graduate on my doorstep asking me to run away to Spain I have no one to blame but myself.

Tomorrow I leave for my hitch-hike. That means I won’t be posting for about 10 days. Plenty of time to read and re-read this post (or catch up on old ones, hint, hint.) There will be tests! =)

Ha, I wonder if I actually had tests on my blog who would do the best. That’s amusing to think about…

It’s midnight and I haven’t even packed yet. That’s more devastating when you realize my ferry leaves at 6:20 a.m. tomorrow. From Arikawa. Arikawa is a 45 minute drive from here. I basically will be starting this vacation off with no sleep, but Peter sleeps a lot so I’ll get caught up with him.

Sleeping bag. Check. Tent. Check. Japanese dictionary. Check. Flashlight. Check. Map. Ch…no map yet. Let’s hope the drivers know where they are going…

T’will be an adventure,
Love, Sierra

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I've got a lot of stuff to do, but I'm so tired that I can't be bothered to do more than glide my fingers along the keyboard.

Today there was an all-day sports test at the high school and because I wasn't assigned to run one of the circuits, I decided to participate. I chose a small group of sophomore girls to go through the test with and off I went. I placed pretty well (80th percentile for all of Japan)—especially since I'm four to six years older than these girls. But then again, maybe not because I'm significantly taller and genetically stronger than them all too. In a group of American high school girls I probably would have placed much lower in the strength/power exercises.

Anyway. Here's the run down. (The levels are as follows: 10 is highest and 1 is lowest, meaning if I was placed in a group of 10 random girls, I would be the best (10) or the worst (1) at any given exercise.

Hamstring stretch
I placed 10th and it's no surprise, really. Everyone knows my hamstrings are unnaturally gumby.

Distance jump
1 meter 62 cm. Placed 5th. (You don't get a running start... That's hard!!!)

Side-step race
Getting your foot over a line on your right then left, etc. Mostly this is aerobics, but takes some skill. I did it 50 times in 20 seconds, placing 9th.

Sit ups
24 sit ups in 30 seconds. Placed 8th. I know I could have done more than this, but I was a little embarrassed to go so fast. Everyone in my group was so slow. I got the highest number of them all.

Hand strength (grip)
Right hand 47 kg and left hand 45 kg. No surprise my left hand is weaker than my right, but I was significantly stronger than the average girl, the scale ended at 36 kg for girls (and for perspective 56 for boys). 10th

50 meter run
I did this race four times, but twice I didn't try my hardest because I was "an extra" so the girls didn't have to run alone. I didn't want to get ahead of them because that's just discouraging. I ran it twice in 8.8 seconds, placing 6th.

Ball throw
Throwing a ball sized between a softball and a soccer ball; it fit nicely into one hand. (Also without a running start, which is much harder!) 19 meters and placed 8th.

20 meter shuttle run
Running 20 meters in a time that gets progressively faster every 8-9 laps. Easy at first, but then everyone starts to drop out. I dropped out after 68 laps (although I thought it was 67, the girls insist it was 68.) Either way I placed 8th again.

I also found out I'm about 24% body fat. There's a little electronic scale/meter at the gym and I finally decided to figure it out and see what it said. If I'm considered athletic (exercising approximately 12 hours a week) then I'm 24%, and if I'm "standard" than it jumps to 37%. I may not exercise 12 hours a week, but I'm not willing to except that my body is 37% fat. 64 kilos of fat in my body!! 41 kg sounds much better! The gap between 24 and 36% seems huge.

Anyway, apparently 24% is the maximum number to fall under "good health," but I've read that I should be somewhere nearer 22% (or even as low as 18% if I believe fair-skinned red-heads have denser bones and should be a bit lower). I know these scales aren't terribly accurate, but it's a good estimate. I've had the tank test (was 17%) and calipers test (was 22% on the same day) so it's all basically a guess anyway. But still interesting... to me.

You know, I think I am THE tallest girl at this school. I can’t think of a SINGLE student who is taller than I am, and there certainly aren’t any teachers taller than I. Interesting. 92 girls at this school and I’m the tallest. (There are 156 students in my school this year. Down from 180 last year.)

Okay, I’m going home to email some very important people and start packing for my hitchhiking vacation which starts THURSDAY!!!
Love, Sierra

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Today fucking sucks. That’s all there is to it. And what’s better than breathing deeply, trying to relax and moving on? WALLOWING IN IT! So, a little compilation from all my friends who think this day (or this week) has sucked.

My friend living in Guatemala right now says,
“Well, first and foremost to cut straight to the heart of matters I am more homesick than I've ever been in my life. I AM SO HOMESICK. All of me just wants to pack up my bags and catch the next flight out of the country. But, what would I do? Where would I go? That's the problem. Also, I know I need to just wait it out and buck up, but nothing has ever been so hard in my life and I'm not really sure why, it just is. I'm not really the giving up type, but WOW is this horrible.”

My mom (who with her luggage arrived home safely, by the way) says,
“I have to admit, I was a bit depressed on Saturday. I don't know, coming down from travel, getting used to things American. I was very surprised to have this reaction.”

I also forgot to mention that she was pulled over by a police car on Wednesday morning before she left Kamigoto. Her charge? Not wearing a seat-beat! I wish he had ticketed her! That’da been great! She needs to learn that seatbelts are NOT optional—even if they aren’t against the law (and where’s that really anymore?) you should wear them because IT’S STUPID NOT TO!

Moving on—or rather NOT moving on, but DWELLING… My friend Rajfull from India also having a streak of bad luck. He writes,
“"am i the only one...." that’s one of the lines from some song by backstreets boys band, dont know if that applies to only me when it comes to worst week of my life. it goes something like this, mom is not doing well so me & dad got in making this major lunch on sunday, my god making is big headache after eating cleaning all plates another one, which i got to do, i do it everyday these days but weekend it was extra load since we made some real fancy foods, on top of that my TV has not been workin since past 1 week thats like 7days my god what m i suppose to do whole day when i cant get out too much bcoz cant leave mom alone how long can i sit on front of this PC.

apart from that i m hunting for job these days so one company called me for 2nd round since i cleared the 1st round , interview goes well , but in end main point "PAYCHECK", they re offering me damn less then what is going on in industry, what is this suppose to mean exploitation, that’s not fair, so i try to talk it out with them, what happens next they r like plz think over it and let us know, i m not gone reduce my esteem by working at lower pay, i m not gone call, if i do that it might look that i m desperate to get job also i have spoken to few of ppl in industry and they have said no point in working for that pay, so i m just gone wait & watch.

[here's where it really gets good...]

weekend as said was no fun, friends are away not single person was fuckin free to spend time with me , no movie, no dinner, no outing no hang out nothin at all man that sux, then from somewhere this dude comes up he is kind of my child hood friend. i hate that dude he is one liar ass, but i had no option so i went for walk with him and we went walkin long and stood on top of this road bridge damn nice place, even i go there a lot when i m just lonely & feel sad, just stand there by c ppl and its top view so from there some mountains & greener is visible, so kind of calm place except of those cars passing by & honking like hell. sky was bit cleared and it was full moon and clouds were formed in such way as if there is water up there , waves were formed, kind of real romantic scene and who is with me instead of a girl this dude whom i hate like hell. man it sux big times when u dont have friends around or even girlfriend, sometimes i feel i have a lot of friends but wonder how many r real of those guys, bcoz of absence of them when i sometime need them very badly, i guess thats just life, happens move on guy u r just another person amongst 6 billion on this earth , apart from animals & other living being, move on dude.”

He, he. This is almost getting funny…

My friend Michelle, up in Hokkaido (northern Japan) writes,
“Okay, so I'm having a bad week and Sierra wants me to write about it. Fair enough.

Premenstrual syndrom. I have it really bad. So there I was, sitting on the steps of the back door of my school, alone. Crying_alone_on_the_steps. No one noticed. Only an hour earlier, I was laughing my buns off because my JTE was speaking Engrish. He said to me "The weiner of the Bingo game is the one who gets 3 across." I said to him, repeat after me, "winner." He repeated after me, "weiner." I was laughing out loud so hard that the vice principal actually looked up and commented. I almost peed my pants, except when I looked at the JTE's face and he was looking pretty angry and/or confused as to why I was laughing "at" him. In addition to all of the nonsense that happened today, I told two of my students quite firmly to "shut up."
They were talking reallllllly loudly while a girl was trying to answer a question in English class. Today was a miserable day. Oh, and there was this soup for lunch that almost made me throw up.”

Daniel contributes to the cause,
“My April 25th was shitty mostly because I had to go to work and concentrate on important things like Test Evaluation Master Plans and Configuration Control Boards (except all anyone says is TEMP or CCB and I have to wonder what the fuck everything means), while at the same time poor Sierra was having an awfuller day than mine, in a small town and a strange country. How am I supposed to get anything done?!”

Now, it wouldn't be my blog if I didn't do my little share of bitching,
"Today is my official WORSE DAY IN JAPAN. It's shitty because... oh, where do I start? I was humiliated--lost all sense of dignity and had a miserable at work, but I couldn't crawl under my desk and scream while punching something (which I really wanted to do), I had to grin and bear it.

First of all, I did taxes all day. If that's not enough to make you scream--add filling out a bunch of Japanese paperwork about stocks, shareholders and other crap that you believe to be totally irrelevant and useless. My supervisor was being really difficult. Everything I did, she tried to get her nose into... and I just wanted to figure it out myself because I was sure I didn't need to waste my time with this paperwork that I couldn't understand anyway. Eventually I just asked Hatakeyama-sensei and he said, indeed, I didn't need to fill it out.

Then, Koichiro and I got in a fight this weekend. Twice. It's a really long story that I don't really care to get into, but the fact that I had to be working (on taxes!) along side him all day today made it truely awful. I tried to patch things, but it only made things worse because then my supervisor knew what was going on and I was so embarrassed. (Cue loss of self-respect and dignity.) Then, I finally asked if I could talk to Hatakeyama-sensei and I totally avoided the real problem until finally he goes, "Koichiro told me everything last night and he's really worried." Hatakeyama saves the day. Again. By the end of the day, I nakanoried the situation with Koichiro, but it was still really awkward and miserable. I wrote a little poem when I was upset--but there's no way in hell I'm going to share it with you. It sucks.

The evening was a little bit better. I got a lot accomplished at home. Finally finished painting the bathroom and planted some tomato and cucumber plants I bought this weekend. I had dinner with Tajima-sensei the new art teacher and he helped me with my Japanese test and PAID for the meal and so I was in much better spirits when I finally got home. It was rough going there for a while though!

Thanks Alex for listening to me when I needed to scream!!!"

I know there are more of you out there who had a crap-fest Monday, so please share with us!
Sierra

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