Friday, March 30, 2007
What's the expression...
Shit hit the fan.
This week has been really tough. I've wanted to write more so I could clear my head and think critically about the situation. (You all know that I often write for that purpose, right? Re-evaluating what's going on in my life. I almost always write when I'm confused or concerned about something in my life.)
Today all I have time for is this. I'm just posting an email that I sent to Tom's brother last night. Maybe you won't understand until the end of it, but it'll catch you up on the situation.
I am so exhausted.
Hi Brian,
I am Tom's nanny, Sierra. I thought it was about time I introduce myself. I spent the evening at Charlottes' house tonight. She has been a wonderful support for me the last couple of months. It's a blessing that she came into our lives (Tom's and mine) when she did.
Tonight she caught me up with how you and Tom's family are dealing with the situation. Together we filled in some more gaps. It seems so many of us are collecting puzzle pieces of information from Tom, then we have to put them together to figure out what the truth might be. So much of what Tom says is a lie. I can't believe much of what he says anymore.
First and foremost, I am exhausted. This week has been physically and mentally draining. I hesitated even starting this email tonight because I don't feel I can express my thoughts properly, but I wanted at least to initiate contact with you.
Tomorrow I am driving Tom to Connecticut for rehab. I anticipate a fairly smooth ride. I'm trying to avoid the sensitive topics of alcoholism and also the girlfriend-gossip. They are potentially disastrous conversations and we've got three hours in a confined space together. I am torn between getting too involved in his personal life and maintaining a strictly professional relationship. I care a lot about Tom. I want him to be healthy. I have seen him to be a generous and loyal man, but more often than not I worry about his destructive behavior. He continually hurts himself and the people who love him so much.
Tom doesn't seem to want to fulfill his financial obligations to me. I worry most about this aspect of the situation simply because I rely on getting a paycheck every week---his announcement last night that I wasn't getting paid this week was obviously distressing! He did eventually agree to pay me, but had to consult with three outsider's opinions first. I would really prefer to settle everything with Tom, but Charlotte has said that you've offered to take care of me if it comes down to that. I want to thank you for your offer--and hope that it doesn't come down to that. Some battles (like the bonus he promised) are not worth fighting, but I do depend on my base salary. I apologize for putting you in his position.
Sometimes when Tom is really drunk I am uncomfortable, but I have always felt safe here. However, I have seen a new side to him this week. He is very angry at you, his father, Charlotte and Etna. I'm just beginning to worry because I spend so much of my time alone with him, and at the end of the day I don't get to "go home." I feel like I am strong, and I'm glad it's me here and not another young woman who might not be able to stand up for herself like I do. However, I need to look out for myself, too. He is a desperate and impulsive man, and he has recently realized that I am disposable. I trust you will always be discreet with what I share with you.
I have been the closest person to Tom the last few days (certainly the most consistent person in his life since December) and I wanted to say that my eyes and ears are open. If there is anything that I can or should do to help you and your family please do not hesitate to ask. Whether you need me just for the immediate "fact-checking" or further down the road for more serious inquiries, I am there for you. I want to see Tom well, and that his children are in a safe environment. That is the most important thing for me.
A long trip tomorrow. Wish us luck!
Thank you,
Sierra
617-939-7384
This week has been really tough. I've wanted to write more so I could clear my head and think critically about the situation. (You all know that I often write for that purpose, right? Re-evaluating what's going on in my life. I almost always write when I'm confused or concerned about something in my life.)
Today all I have time for is this. I'm just posting an email that I sent to Tom's brother last night. Maybe you won't understand until the end of it, but it'll catch you up on the situation.
I am so exhausted.
Hi Brian,
I am Tom's nanny, Sierra. I thought it was about time I introduce myself. I spent the evening at Charlottes' house tonight. She has been a wonderful support for me the last couple of months. It's a blessing that she came into our lives (Tom's and mine) when she did.
Tonight she caught me up with how you and Tom's family are dealing with the situation. Together we filled in some more gaps. It seems so many of us are collecting puzzle pieces of information from Tom, then we have to put them together to figure out what the truth might be. So much of what Tom says is a lie. I can't believe much of what he says anymore.
First and foremost, I am exhausted. This week has been physically and mentally draining. I hesitated even starting this email tonight because I don't feel I can express my thoughts properly, but I wanted at least to initiate contact with you.
Tomorrow I am driving Tom to Connecticut for rehab. I anticipate a fairly smooth ride. I'm trying to avoid the sensitive topics of alcoholism and also the girlfriend-gossip. They are potentially disastrous conversations and we've got three hours in a confined space together. I am torn between getting too involved in his personal life and maintaining a strictly professional relationship. I care a lot about Tom. I want him to be healthy. I have seen him to be a generous and loyal man, but more often than not I worry about his destructive behavior. He continually hurts himself and the people who love him so much.
Tom doesn't seem to want to fulfill his financial obligations to me. I worry most about this aspect of the situation simply because I rely on getting a paycheck every week---his announcement last night that I wasn't getting paid this week was obviously distressing! He did eventually agree to pay me, but had to consult with three outsider's opinions first. I would really prefer to settle everything with Tom, but Charlotte has said that you've offered to take care of me if it comes down to that. I want to thank you for your offer--and hope that it doesn't come down to that. Some battles (like the bonus he promised) are not worth fighting, but I do depend on my base salary. I apologize for putting you in his position.
Sometimes when Tom is really drunk I am uncomfortable, but I have always felt safe here. However, I have seen a new side to him this week. He is very angry at you, his father, Charlotte and Etna. I'm just beginning to worry because I spend so much of my time alone with him, and at the end of the day I don't get to "go home." I feel like I am strong, and I'm glad it's me here and not another young woman who might not be able to stand up for herself like I do. However, I need to look out for myself, too. He is a desperate and impulsive man, and he has recently realized that I am disposable. I trust you will always be discreet with what I share with you.
I have been the closest person to Tom the last few days (certainly the most consistent person in his life since December) and I wanted to say that my eyes and ears are open. If there is anything that I can or should do to help you and your family please do not hesitate to ask. Whether you need me just for the immediate "fact-checking" or further down the road for more serious inquiries, I am there for you. I want to see Tom well, and that his children are in a safe environment. That is the most important thing for me.
A long trip tomorrow. Wish us luck!
Thank you,
Sierra
617-939-7384
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Hi Sierra,
There's a lot I'm not getting from your post but it seems clear the situation with Tom has decayed pretty badly.
Look, I'll say this as a friend and someone dealing with their own alcohol issues: You should see that his kids are somewhere safe and get out of there. Tom is going to have to sort his problems out himself. You are a caring, responsible person but he's an unexploded bomb right now and despite your strength, he could really hurt you. He's experimenting with ways to control you, he's using alcohol to channel displaced emotions and it sounds like anger is the emotion he's working on the most.
This isn't a matter of walking away from someone in need. This is a matter of getting away from the blast zone of someone bent on self destruction. I come from a family of recovering alcoholics and I know he can get better but I've seen the wreckage alcoholics can leave behind on their path to recovery or death.
I may be overreacting but I worry. Do you have friends back there you can rely on in case things get worse? I have dear friends in the Boston area I can connect you with if you need. Just email me.
OK I'll stop pretending I'm your mother and let you get on with your life. Just be careful!
Hugs,
jp
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There's a lot I'm not getting from your post but it seems clear the situation with Tom has decayed pretty badly.
Look, I'll say this as a friend and someone dealing with their own alcohol issues: You should see that his kids are somewhere safe and get out of there. Tom is going to have to sort his problems out himself. You are a caring, responsible person but he's an unexploded bomb right now and despite your strength, he could really hurt you. He's experimenting with ways to control you, he's using alcohol to channel displaced emotions and it sounds like anger is the emotion he's working on the most.
This isn't a matter of walking away from someone in need. This is a matter of getting away from the blast zone of someone bent on self destruction. I come from a family of recovering alcoholics and I know he can get better but I've seen the wreckage alcoholics can leave behind on their path to recovery or death.
I may be overreacting but I worry. Do you have friends back there you can rely on in case things get worse? I have dear friends in the Boston area I can connect you with if you need. Just email me.
OK I'll stop pretending I'm your mother and let you get on with your life. Just be careful!
Hugs,
jp
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