Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Consequences
I’m a damn good eikaiwa teacher. Not really, but I had a lot of fun tonight with Melissa and Vicky who joined our Aokata Eikaiwa. I taught them all about E. Coli 0157 and the Jack-in-the-Box and Odwalla outbreaks of 1993 and 1996. It was great to have two more natives there because I often feel like Mizorogi-san, the leader of the group, can “steal the show” (me being the show) and no one else can get a word in edgewise. At first it really bothered me that she’d just talk and talk and talk and the others who are quite a bit lower than her sit confused and bored and overwhelmed, but then I decided to embrace it because there’s no way I could reach out to everyone in the class—their ability gap is simply too wide for a one-person job—and did my best to make eye contact and ask direct question with everyone in the group and take advantage of her great knowledge of English. It’s impossible to dislike this woman anyway!
With Vicky and Melissa there—as I was wishing and hoping and praying—they were able to sit next to the other members and explain what was being said, and better yet, veer off into other conversations that are more appropriate for their English. It was great, but would not have been possible with out my Aokata girls! Can I get a whoop, whoop for Melissa and Vicky! Sankyu bery much!
And prison is spelled P-R-I-S-O-N so don’t go putting an extra i in there!
I also heard some very sad news tonight. Koichiro-san (my gas man) told me that last night a 69-year-old woman was hit and killed by a speeding car on the highway toward Narao.
Just read that sentence again.
Here, I’ll help you. Last night a 69-year-old woman was hit and killed by a speeding car on the highway toward Narao.
The driver, a 53-year-old man, was head of the Water Department in Aokata—a very well-respected, public official—was either falling asleep or not paying attention on his drove home to Wakamatsu as he hit the woman in the crosswalk. Koichiro-san said he was arrested and will probably be fired if he doesn’t “voluntarily retire” before that, but now my eikaiwa said he will not loose his job, he’ll just get a serious pay cut and loose his high position in the town office. There was no alcohol involved, if there was he would most certainly loose his job.
Of course, his job is probably that last thing on his mind right now.
I can’t imagine hitting a person with my car. I can’t imagine what it’s like to… kill someone. To kill another human being. Let that word pass over your lips. Kill. K.I.L.L. The guy must be absolutely frozen with guilt, remorse, and shame—and terror—wishing he could do ANYTHING to take back the last 24 hours of his life. To drive slower, to keep his eyes glued on the road, to have swerved just in time no matter what the consequences. To give his own life to bring back hers.
I don’t know if that’s what he’s feeling now, but I can only imagine if I were ever in that position I would be terrified. Scared of what my own hands were capable of. To have the death of another human being, an innocent mother, grandmother, and daughter resting on my conscience for the rest of my life. Cause that’s how long it would last. The rest of your life. To be responsible for death. She was killed. It wasn’t malicious or intentional or premeditated, but perhaps that’s even worse because you can only think of what you could have, you SHOULD have done to prevent it. To prevent… killing someone.
Needless to say, I drove incredible slowly on my way home tonight. At every crosswalk, intersection and curve I slowed to a near stop—imagining someone just behind that large truck, just around the tight curve, or crossing the highway in the darkened tunnel. As I drove over the spot where she was killed I thought again about that word.
Killed.
I tried to imagine what happened in that man’s car. Death is forever. Forever gone. My family, having lost my father just a few years ago, understands the meaning of “gone” as well as anyone—and to be responsible for that? Impossible. I’m not sure I would want to live after that. Every breath would be guilt-ridden. And he was just driving home like any other day.
I hope, however, that this man can survive this horrific experience and somehow forgive himself for what happened. I worry about the public pressure that will be put on him because he is a public official. Honestly I worry—more because I am in Japan where this is more common than any other country I’m aware of—that this accident may lead to his death at his own hand. It was obviously an accident. A very big mistake, but driving too fast and driving while tired is a mistake that too many of us make too often without thoroughly examining the consequences. I think about all the times I have swung around a corner, not aware of what was on the other side and how—simply—lucky I was.
How long will I be this lucky?
When will your luck wear out?
May this be a reminder to us all, to drive slowly and safely and to not forget how precious and fragile life is.
Now go tell your mother that you love her.
I love you, Sierra
With Vicky and Melissa there—as I was wishing and hoping and praying—they were able to sit next to the other members and explain what was being said, and better yet, veer off into other conversations that are more appropriate for their English. It was great, but would not have been possible with out my Aokata girls! Can I get a whoop, whoop for Melissa and Vicky! Sankyu bery much!
And prison is spelled P-R-I-S-O-N so don’t go putting an extra i in there!
I also heard some very sad news tonight. Koichiro-san (my gas man) told me that last night a 69-year-old woman was hit and killed by a speeding car on the highway toward Narao.
Just read that sentence again.
Here, I’ll help you. Last night a 69-year-old woman was hit and killed by a speeding car on the highway toward Narao.
The driver, a 53-year-old man, was head of the Water Department in Aokata—a very well-respected, public official—was either falling asleep or not paying attention on his drove home to Wakamatsu as he hit the woman in the crosswalk. Koichiro-san said he was arrested and will probably be fired if he doesn’t “voluntarily retire” before that, but now my eikaiwa said he will not loose his job, he’ll just get a serious pay cut and loose his high position in the town office. There was no alcohol involved, if there was he would most certainly loose his job.
Of course, his job is probably that last thing on his mind right now.
I can’t imagine hitting a person with my car. I can’t imagine what it’s like to… kill someone. To kill another human being. Let that word pass over your lips. Kill. K.I.L.L. The guy must be absolutely frozen with guilt, remorse, and shame—and terror—wishing he could do ANYTHING to take back the last 24 hours of his life. To drive slower, to keep his eyes glued on the road, to have swerved just in time no matter what the consequences. To give his own life to bring back hers.
I don’t know if that’s what he’s feeling now, but I can only imagine if I were ever in that position I would be terrified. Scared of what my own hands were capable of. To have the death of another human being, an innocent mother, grandmother, and daughter resting on my conscience for the rest of my life. Cause that’s how long it would last. The rest of your life. To be responsible for death. She was killed. It wasn’t malicious or intentional or premeditated, but perhaps that’s even worse because you can only think of what you could have, you SHOULD have done to prevent it. To prevent… killing someone.
Needless to say, I drove incredible slowly on my way home tonight. At every crosswalk, intersection and curve I slowed to a near stop—imagining someone just behind that large truck, just around the tight curve, or crossing the highway in the darkened tunnel. As I drove over the spot where she was killed I thought again about that word.
Killed.
I tried to imagine what happened in that man’s car. Death is forever. Forever gone. My family, having lost my father just a few years ago, understands the meaning of “gone” as well as anyone—and to be responsible for that? Impossible. I’m not sure I would want to live after that. Every breath would be guilt-ridden. And he was just driving home like any other day.
I hope, however, that this man can survive this horrific experience and somehow forgive himself for what happened. I worry about the public pressure that will be put on him because he is a public official. Honestly I worry—more because I am in Japan where this is more common than any other country I’m aware of—that this accident may lead to his death at his own hand. It was obviously an accident. A very big mistake, but driving too fast and driving while tired is a mistake that too many of us make too often without thoroughly examining the consequences. I think about all the times I have swung around a corner, not aware of what was on the other side and how—simply—lucky I was.
How long will I be this lucky?
When will your luck wear out?
May this be a reminder to us all, to drive slowly and safely and to not forget how precious and fragile life is.
Now go tell your mother that you love her.
I love you, Sierra
